Ashbloemstraat

College revisited: 13th - 14th century Poetry

Anonymous Lyrics of the Thirteenth & Fourteenth Centuries

Now Go'th Sun Under Wood

Nou goth sonne under wode -
me reweth, Marie, thi faire rode.
Nou goth sonne under tre -
Me reweth, Marie, thi sone and the.

There is a reason I took a class in thirteenth and fourteenth century literature in my first year in college, and it's because the damn stuff is so illegible, I needed a teacher to get me through it. It's like a whole other language! What are we speaking here, Canterbury Tales? That said, I ended up with a specialization in Shakespeare, so Jodi Mikalachki clearly did her job in laying the foundations to early modern English poetry. Man, she was awesome.

Anyway, this is clearly all about the Virgin Mary and her son on the tree. "Reweth" being cross-listed in the Norton as "pity", but one can see that it is "rue-th", or "rue for" - "I rue for you & your son, Mary". 

If one reads this aloud in the proper tones of Middle English (who had to memorize the C. Tales prologue other than me? give me a woot woot!), the rhyme is fine, though the poem is generally bland. Who cares? I didn't sign up for a Short Almost-Rhyming Almost-Haikus About Jesus class; I want some Lyrical Beauty in Larger Themes class. Fail.

Rhyme: B

Subject matter: F

Overall Score: D

Now Go'th Sun Under Wood gets a thumbs down.

Glanmore Sonnets (X); Seamus Heaney

I dreamt we slept in a moss in Donegal
On turf banks under blankets, with our faces
Exposed all night in a wetting drizzle,
Pallid as the dripping sapling birches.
Lorenzo and Jessica in a cold climate.
Diarmuid and Grainne waiting to be found.
Darkly asperged and censed, we were laid out
Like breathing effigies on a raised ground.
And in that dream I dreamt - how like you this? -
Our first night years ago in that hotel
When you came with your deliberate kiss
To raise us towards the lovely and painful
Covenants of flesh; our separateness;
The respite in our dewy dreaming faces.

Fauxtobooth: Ashlee & Hilary

Fauxtobooth: Ashlee & Hilary, originally uploaded by Brooklyn Hilary.

Friend of a friend Brooklyn Hilary came through Dallas during her Ford Fiesta Agent meanderings from west to east to west to south to west and can you keep up with that? I was wildly jealous, but never more so than when we hung out over a couple drinks at Double Wide followed by a grilled jalapeno cheese sandwich at Lee Harvey's and it became clear that in addition to getting to drive all over the US for that project, she's also just lovely. Don't some people just have all the luck?

We were happy to discover that we are both avid Flickr-ers, Twitterers, and bloggers, so I suspect I'll be following her adventures from here on out. I suggest you do too!

From seven digits to two.

Do you like the NEW LOOK of the blog? I took some times and pared it down, and brightened it up. I even changed my tag lines. I don't know WHY, really. I'm sure most people read via RSS, but I always like going directly to blogs when I can, because how they look is such a good reflection of the person oftentimes.

Also, it is a bit of a theme around these parts right now - change change change. Out with old. In with new attitudes, though not necessarily new stuff. That said, I DID score some $500 Marc Jacobs mary janes for $75 today, and we got new shower curtains for the bath, so I guess there are SOME new things. The house is being scrubbed and rearranged; we've washed almost everything in the house that CAN be washed; and we've gone back to our hippie, largely vegetarian, cheap way of living. We're cleaning out the fridge by eating everything. With the exception of buying some veggies last week, we haven't been grocery shopping since Fanny left, I don't think. Oh, I guess we bought some pita yesterday.

I feel it in my body and mind too - I'm drinking far less alcohol than usual; eating more probiotics; resting better; feeling a bit anti-social (though not entirely); sleeping better; and my mind is generally quieter (though, again, not entirely). These are all good things - I'm focusing on re-connecting with my creative and deliberate self, rather than my reactive self.

I was listening to a fascinating Radio Lab a couple days ago - I love that show - and they were describing an experiment in which two different groups of people were given numbers to memorize: one group was given a two digit number, and one was given a seven digit number. After they gave them some time to memorize it, they brought them into a room and asked them if they would like a fruit salad or a slice of chocolate cake before they recited the number.

By a huge margin, the people who had a two digit number chose the fruit salad, while the people who had the bigger number to memorize chose the cake. What they believe this shows is that the REASON part of our brain can only concentrate on so much, in a way. So people who only had the two digit number were able to rationalize internally: I'll have fruit salad because it is better for me, healthy, etc. But people who were busy concentrating on the BIGGER number gave an EMOTIONAL reaction - I want cake because it is so tasty. That is to say, the rational part of the brain can, maybe, only concentrate on so many things. Eventually it capitulates in some way to the emotional, non-rational part of the brain.

That's the idea - I didn't hear the whole show so I don't know where that was going. But I felt like I was hearing the story of the past couple years of my life. Between moving and working on the house and looking for jobs and getting married and learning marriage with David and being a "parent" and starting a new job and moving again and having lots of guests and making new friends and travelling and and and

I totally didn't have room to concentrate on myself. And that has led to a lot of emotion-driven rationalizations.  I'll skip exercising because I'm tired. I'll go to Double Wide to hang out with David instead of knitting because I never get to see him. I'll have these extra couple drinks out because I deserve them.

All of this, despite the fact that - for example - I know I feel better & more energetic when I exercise regularly. I am married to David, so it isn't like I'm not going to see him later. And I deserve the drinks, sure, but that's just sort of fucking around time I could be using for something else - even if that something else is a couple significantly cheaper glasses of wine at home while drawing.  And this has all left me disconnected from myself mentally, as well as the least physically healthy I have ever been.

It's like my brain had room for seven digits, and none of those digits was me and what makes ME happy, and I just made impetuous, emotional decisions ignoring my own health, happiness, and well-being because I simply DIDN'T HAVE THE MENTAL SPACE FOR MYSELF.

Well, I'm not going to do that anymore. Not as habit, anyway. I've learned my lesson.

I am quiet and clean. I'm listening to the cicadas outside and I can smell the laundry that is almost finished. I can feel the muscles in my back from the watering and gardening.

I am reconnected and self-reflective at the moment, and that's a really good thing.

Ways in which David & I are different: Part 2.

(Actually, this story illustrates how we are different in two ways! Bonus!)

Conversation with David this morning, while he was barely awake and I was bright-eyed & bushy-tailed getting ready for work:

Me: Hey! I was thinking! I want a new challenge! Let's have sex EVERY DAY in July!

David: /moans

Me: What the-! I thought I'd get a little more enthusiastic response than that, I have to say!

David: I'm sleeping. It sounds like a big commitment right now. /snores

David is not a morning person, nor is he project-oriented. 

A review.

The girls.

I'll be honest before I even start - I've been up much too long. Today my sister & I, after several weeks of plotting, pulled off a surprise party for my mom's 60th. I picked up my mother very early, to keep her away from the preparations. Josh, who some of you may remember as the officiant of my wedding, came in town sneakily, so I also stayed up too late Friday night visiting before I had to be up at 9 to distract the mom. It was a wonderful day and an enormous surprise. We did so so well. I'm seriously chuffed.

Since we put a lot of effort into our own mom today, I started thinking about the time I spent being one this past year.

It strikes me what a huge thing it was, Davey & I being "parents" our first year of marriage.

We weren't very good at it for a long time. I asked advice from Courtney a LOT. My sister seemed unsure, quite often, of my parenting decisions. I wasn't sure either.

I expected more out of them than they gave, that is for sure. It's not that they were stupid or anything, I just think they weren't sure what to make out of their new surroundings. And since I was ONLY EVER a resourceful teenager in Dallas, it was hard to understand.

At the same time, they asked amazing questions and forced me to think about verbalizing my stance on many things. We had some really reflective moments. As well as some silly ones.

I'll never forget - I think it was at New Years - when we came home drunk, and so did the girls, and Vanessa asked me "Do I seem drunk?" and I said, "No! Do I?" And then we just fell to the floor in a pile of giggles. That makes me both the worst & best host mother in the world.

What happened with Davey & I was the most dramatic. It was both the best & worst part of the experience. It was the worst insofar as we fought WAY more than we ever had. There was a lot of tension and resentment when we didn't expect it. It was best because we really had to confront some basic truths about ourselves, ESPECIALLY in light of us possibly having children. I mean, it is really apparent now that our schedules are not conducive to having a family, so we've been discussing what to do about that and I'm glad we're doing it NOW as opposed to when we have some new baby and we're shocked by our own situation. And it's apparent that I am very attentive to the needs of everyone but me, esp the kids and NOT Davey. And that David can be enormously jealous of other people getting that attention when he is used to it. And how it is soooooo easy to forget, in light of people really NEEDING you, that you MUST make your partner the main priority, or it will all disintegrate.

In the end, we came to understand how enormously fulfilling the entire Children Endeavor can be, yet... we agreed that if it can't happen for us, that's OK.

As in, if we keep trying to have kids and it doesn't seem to be happening, we will move on with our lives with the idea that we CANT and WONT have kids.

I deeply love the idea of having David's child. I think about it a lot ... more than I should, probably, given that I don't like kids much to start with. But he's gorgeous and I think he'd be an awesome dad, etc. And as long as we like having sex with each other (which is a lot), it will always be a possibility.

I won't know until we know for sure that we CANT, but we've pretty much decided that if after several months of trying, if I don't get pregnant, that is a sign we will do something very different with our lives. It will be ok. We will cry, I am sure, but... it's ok.

This entry isn't what it was supposed to be.

Those girls did more for us than they probably know.

I'll write the entry this was supposed to be another time.

Project progress.

So, MAYBE some of you remember from a long time ago - I'm sure I wrote about it in here but I'm not going to go through the archives to find out - when Davey & I were packing up in Boston to move to Dallas I was dismayed by the amount of body and hair products I owned and swore not to buy anymore until it was all used.

You remember that, right?

Anyway, SOAP was the biggest offender at the time. Because it would be put in stockings at Christmas, or otherwise given to me as a gift, and then I'd forget and buy some shower gel or something, and soon I had a whole little box FULL of nice soaps. I swore that day packing that I would get THROUGH THAT SOAP.

Now, 2.5 years later, I have accomplished my goal. I am on my last soap! And it is about halfway gone. So I celebrated... by buying two bars of soap! But that's ok. I need it now.

Now it seems the biggest offender is hair products. I have about 10 half-full hair products. And I like them all, but I just don't style my hair like I used to. I guess I need to go get a chop so I can make it all stick up like I used to do so I can use all that mud and sticky stuff. Yes. I'll pay $60 for a haircut so I can use up my styling products. That makes a lot of sense.

Also we seem to have several hand lotion tubes. I guess I'm soon to have the softest hands in the world because I'm about to start using that shit up too. I'm also almost through all the self-tanner and body lotion. I don't think I'll ever get through the sparkly body powders from Stila & BeneFit. I just don't get all sparkly anymore. No where to sparkle, I guess. MAYBE I SHOULD FIND A SPARKLY PLACE, EH?

Dream: In my future cabinet, there will be ONE hand lotion, ONE body lotion, ONE powder, and TWO hair styling products at any given time.

And two soaps.

Down with Facebook.

A quite clever friend of mine (ERIN) just made a wonderful analogy: Facebook has done to blogging what texting did to phone calls.

Now, I've never been much of a talking on the phone person, so texting actually improved that form of communication in my book, but I'm on board with the sentiment. Now that every thought, photo, and event in someone's life can be easily monitored via Facebook, what's the need for the blog? And that makes me sad. Shit, since we all read via readers, it's hard to tell who cares about or reads blogs anymore anyway. Maybe I've become OLD and STODGY in the world of online communication.

I'll say it: I'm officially bored of Facebook, yet I feel trapped by it. It's like everyone abandoned the old, comfy, worn-around-the-edges bar where everyone knew each other well for some high falutin' cool new shiny trendy place where there are a bunch of fresh young faces. But still: that's where everyone is hanging out, so if I want to know what people are up to, I have to visit.

Visit I shall. But you know what? I don't need you, Facebook. I have my blog, who has been my faithful friend since 2004, and I'm not just abandoning her LIKE THAT. And Twitter is fun for those little thoughts in between, without being sullied by quizzes and top 5s and UG just STOP BECAUSE MY BRAIN IS TIRED.

I'm rethinking my online presence, and it has very little to do with Facebook. It has its place, but I'm not sure it needs as big a place for me as it does for other people. Blog, Twitter, Flickr. Davey, ladies, kitties. Tomatoes, ice cream, cheese. Maybe babies. These things are all I need.

Two things:

I. I have the theme to "The Gary Shandling Show" stuck in my head. It's been there for approximately seven days. As far as theme songs go, it's a pretty fun one to have stuck in one's head, but I think I'm ready for it to go away now.

II. Next project (after redecorating, screenprinting, pickling, finishing the quilt, etc.): making my own knickers.

Back on track.

I spent the first full week after the last lady's departure mostly just being lazy. I relished not having to be home to do anything for anyone. I STAYED at home Friday and Saturday nights and watched movies in my underwear because I COULD. And I started scrubbing down/revamping the bathroom. I've decided each room is going to get a little bit of a make-over. In the case of the bath & kitchen it will just be small things, but the bedrooms, dining, & living will be very different soon.

But, like I said, I gave myself the week off. I also needed a week to get back into the groove at work. The last two weeks with the girls really threw off my concentration.

Also, I've been doing this full body cleanse thing and I think it's just knocking out my energy. I guess a lot of crap is coming out of my body (heh heh) but other than work, walking to work in 100 degrees, and some basic stuff around the house I'm just feeling too tired to do much else. After this cleanse is over I'm going back to Bikram. It's been a long time now, which makes me a little scared, but I just have to keep remembering how great I felt afterwards.

I seem to be easing into a natural period of eating/drinking less. It happens often in the summer but it may also be the cleanse. I had a couple beers on Sunday and they just didn't... taste right. And I often am too hot to eat anything in the summer except veggies and ice cream. This summer I am going to make so much sorbet it's going to be out of control. OUT OF CONTROL.

That said, I made some homemade salsa from the homegrown tomatoes, some hummus, pita, tortilla chips, and a chipotle dip. So I guess I'm making busy around the kitchen despite my decreased appetite. Ladies who are coming over tonight for crafting will have to help me make a dent.

Ronnie the Bear & Ernie have been needy since the girls left but it's too hot to cuddle. Tugboat doesn't give a shit. Gus, I guess, is now officially my sister's cat. I really miss him, but there is no doubt that he's happier at her house, and really four cats was too much anyway, so... sigh.

OK. Must finish lunch then get back to work.

Happy about this These United States album. I've missed new music.

It's over! Also, tomatoes.

Yes. It is over. The girls are gone. I was a bit blubbery about it yesterday, more so than I expected, but today I feel happy and satisfied that we did a good job, on the whole, and that they have left more mature and experienced young women whose lives are forever changed for the good. Not to mention their English, which was already good when they got here, is now perfect. They even learned "douche" and "cunt" and "twat". We did good.

I'll have more to say on the experience later, after I'll mulled it over a bit more. But for now, I'd like to talk about food. More specifically, tomatoes.

These are all from the garden. In the past week. And there are more coming. LOTS more. And in fact, these are just from four out of five plants, because the fifth hasn't produced anything yet, the bastard. It was the one I was most excited about too (German Orange tomatoes, but I'm pretty happy about the prolific production of our Cherokee Purple, so I guess it makes up for it. I like crazy colored tomatoes.). In FACT, as I was writing this I thought I'd better go out and see if there were anymore that need to be picked before a bird gets at them, and I brought in about 10 more. Holy!

So, we had to have our first proper summer tomato meal. Observe!

Tomato and mozzarella for dinner? Yes! We did! And probably will a lot more, by the look of that pile of tomatoes. 

We also made a gorgeous tossed tomato salad for Fanny's last dinner. We also made fingerling potatoes and grilled salmon, but we didn't grow those.

As a side note, I was making a herb paste to cover the salmon with, when, as I started pouring my brand new Whole Foods course sea salt into it, the top came plum off and spilled the entire contents of the sea salt container into the food processer with all my herbs, butter, etc. At the time I was mightily displeased, but ends up a salt crust is perfect for grilled salmon - it was wonderful. So all ended well. If salty.

I'm still sort of annoyed with the poor packaging job, however.

Tomatoes!

Happy happy happy happy.

I'm trying to stay focused on the good things. I really am. And I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

But I'm EXHAUSTED, yo. I haven't seen some friends in a really long time. The house is a disaster. I don't feel like I have been able to focus on work the past week due to forces both in and out of my control.

Last night I slept for 12 hours - well, I was in bed 12 hours... I always wake up around 5 if Davey still hasn't come to sleep - and it seemed so wonderful, but then there was just too much today. Work + goodbye stuff with Miss F + people visiting + family stuff. If I could just keep it to TWO responsible items a day it would be great, but I just feel as exhausted as I did yesterday because the day was so full. And TOMORROW not only do I need to do a little work-related business, but it is Miss F's last full day... 

When she is gone, I am going to take 2-3 weeks to get myself realigned and relaxed and I'm going to go to the Korean spa like THREE times and scrub the house and catch up on some work. But then... THEN I will make time to visit with everyone. Carrie F, Christine, Court, Shannon, Erin, Jennifer B-A... I'm looking at all y'all.

AND Davey & I will have a kick-ass party, when our motivation and will to have more than two people at a time in our house is back up.

And I'll stop making this blog a bitch-fest. I'm boring myself.

TEEN PARTY!

So, last night was the "friends" going away party for the girls. We decided to have two parties - one for "friends", and one for "family and over-21s", because the girls like margaritas and we told them they could have a couple at the latter party, but we couldn't provide them for anyone else under 21, so they had to have a separate party to say goodbye to them. It was actually really fun, but we did have one pretty hilarious problem.

Now, we aren't stupid. We knew they would probably have alcohol, but we made it pretty clear that the moment we SAW it, it would have to be confiscated. I have sympathy for the kids and all, but legally we are very wary of the rich Lakewood litigious parents should it be known there was alcohol consumed at our house.

David & I stayed outside most of the time, grilling and whatnot. After a couple hours, I went inside to pee - the bathroom is right next to the girls' room, so I couldn't help but see a couple girls sitting on the floor with a bottle of whiskey in front of them! The dude at the door saw me see it and said "Oooooo noooo", and I nodded my head and said "Yup. Sorry. I made it clear if I saw it I have to take it. Hate to be a downer but it must be done." So I picked it up and went back outside to laugh about it with David.

So we're laughing and like SCORE! KENTUCKY DELUXE FOR FREE! when dude at the door comes outside and says, "So I'm 21 and paid for that, can I just have it back?"

Me: "No."
Douchey McDoucherson: "But it's mine."
Me: "But you are on my property dishing it out to minors, so it's mine now."

And so we went back and forth.

Me: "In fact, I WAS happy to take it and have you stay, but now you can get the fuck out."
DMcD: "I will, as soon as you give me my whiskey!"
Me: "Oh, you want this?" /starts pouring it on ground

/David "escorts" dude out.

Awesome! That was so rad!

And I even was able to save a little since I stopped pouring it as soon as Davey walked the dude out.

Other than that, it was a pretty tame party. I sort of think most of their friends are lame.

Diorama-o-rama!

diorama-o-rama, originally uploaded by ashbloem.

Just like Italy.

, originally uploaded by ashbloem.