Ashbloemstraat

Tah-dah!

I do think to some degree I'm going to be a sort of one-trick pony on this blog for this next month, and by that I do not mean I will finally post a video of that crazy thing I can do with my tongue; but that the topic will almost inevitably be ALL wedding. Or I will start on another topic with the best intentions and it will drift towards WEDDING. And it is probably worse right now because I am really trying to get a lot of it sorted within the next two weeks so that the two weeks prior to the event can be as low-key as they possibly can be. I am all about having things finished early so I do not have any undue stress the preceding days.

So what do we have? Mostly just getting the rest of the booze, buying the food, and getting everything that needs to be printed done. Not so bad at all. I still have my tablerunners and my dress to work on, but if I discipline myself they can easily be done within the next 2-3 weeks. We have to borrow coolers from friends and family so we'll start picking all those up soon... and mapping out the decorations. But generally we just need to pray for no rain. I actually feel really good about everything. The lack of stress is very satisfying.

I am so overwhelmed by how many of my friends are coming from far and wide. More than I expected. I am so so so touched. That reminds me I had better call the hotels to wrap up the block bookings.

/END BORING ENTRY

I - even I - know the solution.

This weekend was simply whirligig with wedding business, both ours and others. I have not been on the computer once, except for a brief moment last night when I logged on to email and decided I was just too tired to bother after reading only a couple emails.

Friday night Davey & I both worked at Double Wide for a private wedding party, which we figured would be a good opportunity to see how it flowed, and of course if there were any steal-able good ideas we might want to incorporate. These people, however, had quite a bit more money to throw around than we do, so the steal-able ideas were good but out of our price range. Also, they did not show up until two hours after they were supposed to, and left two hours after they were supposed to; so after clean up and pay out we didn't leave until after six in the morning.

Sadly I had a hair appointment at 10 the next morning, followed by a date to meet my dad so we could get all the wine for the wedding, so there was definitely no rest for the wicked. By the time all this was done we had to get home and get ourselves gussied up for our friends Josh & Leslee's wedding. So off we trundled, exhausted beyond belief, but ready to have a good time nevertheless.

We enjoyed the wedding - they are so happy and adorable and they HAD A PHOTO BOOTH. It was so fun - I spied it within about 40 minutes of being there, of course. I'll get them scanned in and post them soon.

It's funny going to a wedding so close to ours - the emotion of it was really compounded by it, I think, and David and I held each other and got a tiny bit dew-eyed during the ceremony, thinking of how in five short weeks that will be us standing in front of everyone. And of course we were touched and thrilled for our friends, who had the luck of meeting each other. It was just a very sweet night.

Oh and I thoroughly confirmed my burgeoning couple-crush on some other people we have gotten to know through Josh and Leslee. Which is great, since I have decided that once we are married we need some Married Friends to do dumb things with like make dinners and get incredibly drunk on wine; play Risk and overturn kingdoms. I should translate my crush into an actual friendship so that the six of us can do that. And then we'll all start having babies and they can, I don't know, roll around on the floor while we partake in our enjoyment of our love, music, wine, and revolution.

Oh and we've decided the phrase "love, music, wine, and revolution" is going to be our Family Motto. Perhaps I will create a Family Crest with an image of Stephin Merritt holding a chalice and a sword or something.

This post is all over the place. After staying up too late watching Mystery Science Theatre 3000 while working on my veil I am useless. Perhaps more later.

Primping.

So I have shaped myself up the past few days in that last ditch effort to be glowing and beautiful and all that sort of thing for the wedding. I decided to add several more pieces of fruit to my daily diet; wash my face every night no matter how tired I am; and cut out the drinking to give my liver and kidneys a rest (for the most part, that is - we are going to a friend's wedding on Saturday and I refuse to NOT have a few glasses of sweet sweet nectar). Detox is going well and I feel better. And cleaner.

I also went to the drug store to get a few items I thought might be useful. You know, like self-tanner, new eyelashes, and teeth whitening strips.

AS TO THE LATTER: I have never given a lot of consideration to using these. My teeth aren't too stained as I don't drink much in the way of colored beverages, I am skittish of the chemicals, and I find them sort of annoying, really (Ever see that Onion headline? "SURGEON GENERAL SAYS AMERICA'S TEETH CAN'T GET ANY DAMN WHITER"). But, you know. It's my wedding and stuff so I figured a little shineroo couldn't hurt anything.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THESE DAMN THINGS COST? The cheapest were, seriously, 18 dollars. That's like FOUR tubes of whitening toothpaste. So I just got the toothpaste. Jebus. No wonder advertising is so intense for those things. That is big business, my friend. Big, scary, chemical-laden business.

But then again I'll happily slap a bunch of chemicals on my hair and body in a quest to be delightfully tinted that day, so what the heyll am I talking about?

I'll tell you what I'm talking about: I'm talking little sense and need a damn nap. It's been no rest for the weary at the Ashbloem-Davey household these last few days. Zzzzzzz.

Lessons.

Last night I was scheduled to work at Double Wide, but as a thunderstorm rolled in bringing with it a heavy downpour and a lightning show, it was considerably less busy than anticipated and after completing some minor tasks for Davey (who was bartending), I sat down at the bar with my CLUB SODA and managed to close the bar. Sober, by the way.

It lifted my mood, I have to say, sitting there with my CLUB SODA; thinking over everything when left alone, enjoying conversation when it presented itself, admiring David's fine physique while he was working, and watching people when they made their way in out of the rain. There is always good people watching at the Double Wide, whether its that crazy bald tattooed guy who always comes in and can't fathom living in a place where he isn't allowed to have a gun; to the slurringly drunk former FBI girl who surrendered her badge due to "moral issues" with an undisclosed policy; to the ridiculous Uptown dude who had never been to the bar before and kept asking for super fancy beers until David finally said: "YOU ARE AT THE DOUBLE WIDE, DUDE; I HAVE LONE STAR AND SHINER".

Jay and I sat together for a while without much talking, both of us acknowledging we had a lot on our minds, but at the same time no ONE thing bothering us more than the other. We also agreed that it wasn't helpful to go over them together so we talked instead about things we would like to do once we are less busy. He will build stuff; I will knit.

Kaz came in, cutely drunk already, as she usually is, demanding a wedding invitation (which I was going to give her anyway, so I had one in my purse in case she graced the door). We sat together for a bit and she slurred something about we'll either have really hot weather or torrential downpour on our wedding day (um, thanks, Kaz?) and then several times she started to mention David's ex but would stop herself and say "I MEAN, MY FRIEND" as though she hadn't already said two syllables of the girl's name anyway.

Of course I wanted to laugh, knowing they are friends, and say, YO KAZ, IT IS FINE TO MENTION HER NAME. It isn't like the name is a dirty word or something. On the contrary - I mean, I know there was BIG DRAMA before but shit. That was like, two and a half years ago now AND she got married to a really lovely guy. SURELY she doesn't care whether she hears David's name or not either. Hell, we should all be THANKFUL it shook out the way it did, right? Because now she's with the perfect dude for her and David's with the perfect girl for him and thank goodness they didn't find each other attractive enough to stay together because that would be four people afloat without the Right One. But of course I didn't say this to Kaz, because she was too drunk, and I know she means well, and so I sort of chuckled to myself about it.

But then I started thinking about how people in Dallas really seem to HOLD ON to bad feelings about people; so maybe I'm wrong about the ex being sensitive and maybe that's why Kaz acts that way. I don't know, I feel like I've experienced more dramatic Ends of Relationships here than I have since college. And I totally understand how friendships and relationships run their courses and it is best when they end, and maybe sometimes they don't end as nicely as you'd like, but people need to LET THAT NEGATIVE SHIT GO.

Then it hit me, to my chagrin, that I am sort of doing the same with David right now. We had a problem; we discussed it; we agreed to move on. It's ME holding on to bad feelings, and it is not accomplishing anything. Well, it is accomplishing something; it is accomplishing making me unhappy, which is dumb. And I am holding onto bad feelings about the house as well - anger at my mother for being less engaged with it than she should or promised to be; mad that it is so poorly built; frustration I can't do everything as quickly and as well as I want to.

So starting today I'm taking my own damn advice and letting that stuff go. I am just bringing myself down, and that is not making it any easier to take care of all these things in a mature, constructive, happy way. Nor is it making the wedding planning any fun. And I want that to be the most fun I've ever had planning anything.

SO THERE. TAKE *THAT*, LIFE! I'VE FOILED THE BAD VIBES YOU SENT MY WAY ONCE AGAIN! HA HA! UNTIL NEXT TIME, SUCKA.

The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going; so it is with the spirit.

John 3:8 is one of a handful of Bible verses I know by heart, along with the lord's prayer and that damnable "love is kind" bit that is read at EVERY WEDDING EVER (no offense to those who have used it; it is lovely and true; I just can't believe how many times I have heard it). Unconvinced by God as I am, I always change it from "so it is with everyone born of the Spirit" to just "so it is with the spirt". Generalized like that, I think it is truly beautiful; and I think I like it so much because I think of my own changeable spirit, and my wild moods, and my inclinations towards unknown quanitities. And also I think that life is just generally like that - it can be heard all around you, and you can live in that moment, but wherefore it comes or whereto it goes is hard to say.

This past week or two has been sort of like that. I'm the first to say my moods have been swinging wildly. Frankly, wedding planning is going swimmingly, and I have very few concerns on that front, other than the usual I hope it is a good time for all and we have enough food, and the usual party-thrower's anxiety. But I probably shouldn't have started the kitchen; however, now started it must be finished. And it isn't really that much more needs to be done; I'm just rather short on the time to do it. One day I am gung-ho and excited about everything; the next day (literally, the NEXT DAY) I just hate it and want to decamp to Thailand.

And I can not say I am entirely over what has been happening with David. Today I am feeling pretty sad about it. Not because I think it is any huge problem that we cannot work out (we mostly have, I guess, and are playing much more as a team this week than we had the past couple months; it is now for me to get over some of the bad feelings that are lingering). Just because it is not so nice to be confronted with about ten of your partner's shortcomings right before your wedding. I know he has them - he's human after all - but it takes the sheen off the joy a bit sometimes. I mean, it will be fine. It's just... so disappointing.

I had been joking with Davey about not having sex the month before the wedding, but now I think that is probably not such a good idea. I need to stay as connected as possible in every way possible, because right now I do not know where my moods and my spirit come from or where they are going on a daily basis.

Sigh. Feelings are stupid.

Oh yeah, and that kitchen.

Anyway, not so much to report yet. I've gotten stuck on step 2.5 out of about 5 steps, as the boys who did the plumbing didn't really do it so good. After doing most of this house alone, I thought it would be a good idea to get someone in who ostensibly knew about pipes and putting the sink in properly. They seemed to know what they were doing, until I turned the water back on and everything was installed backwards. OH and it leaked.

Oh well, lesson learned. If I want something done right, it might just be better to take longer and do it my damn self. Then again, if I had gone the other way and completely fucked it up i would be saying the opposite. So I guess the REAL lesson here is WHEN INSTALLING A KITCHEN THERE IS NO PAIN-FREE WAY.

(DIGRESSION: I can't stop thinking about all my new sexy underwears.)

Showering.

ANNOUNCEMENT: Lingerie showers are awesome.

Here on this blog I have rather publicly aired my discomfort regarding wedding gifts and showers and registering and all that business. It just seemed so selfish and I am really bad with accepting gifts without having one to give in return. Anyway, my friends and family finally convinced us that registering is the way to go, since people WILL give us gifts, so we better just make sure they are what we want (and they are right, even after registering we have received items NOT on the registry, so I can only imagine what would have happened by now if we hadn't).

So anyway, I'd been asked about showers and while I felt super uncomfortable about them, I agreed because I did not want to offend anyone who wanted to do something so nice for me (Sister! Mother! Soon to be MIL!). My first one was Saturday and it was a lingerie theme and I wasn't sure how I would feel opening all these gifts but I was looking forward to drinking a bunch of wine with the girls.

You guys: it was so much fun. We had tons of food & so much wine. We played a couple silly games and just chit-chatted. And the gifts! I am so impressed with my friends; they picked out just lovely stuff. Of course, I love sexy lingerie and underwears anyway, so in all honesty I wasn't going to be hard to buy for, but it was even better than I thought it might be! I have, like, two weeks worth of naughty and delightful items to tease David with. It almost makes me wish we WERE taking a traditional honeymoon. Oh well - these items will seem even more naughty when I wear them at Machu Picchu or something.

Apparently it is bad luck to wear them before the wedding but it is going to be very hard to resist. I think I'll at least try them on, though, away from David, despite the fact he's pretty keen to check them out.

And I did feel sort of uncomfortable with the first couple gifts, but the wine helped, and everyone was so clearly happy for me, that I just sort of relaxed into the whole thing and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I know some really lovely girls here - sometimes I feel it has been hard to make friends in Dallas, but Saturday I realized I have done really well on that front, actually.

Thanks, ladies. You are the best.

Hip hop, and you don't stop.

You guys you guys you guys - the wedding keeps getting better. Listen to this: we've got Dallas local hip hop trio PPT playing for us. Aw yeah, baby. We'll have a couple hours karaoke, followed by PPT, then dance party music until we die or Kim & Jill kick us out. We saw PPT last night and they are so damn fun I can't stand it. So get ready, yo. I'm so excited.

There just aren't enough hours in that night. We need to add a few more, just for us.

Later tonight or maybe tomorrow I'll do an update on the kitchen. The frame of the cabinets is in; I just need to put in drawers, etc. Oh also fix one thing on the sink so we can use it. After that I'll refinish the walls and hopefully by the end of Sunday it will be DONE (well, it won't be all done, but the major works will be). We couldn't exactly pay for master craftmanship, so we had a couple nice boys come in and help with the installation... there are definitely some rough edges to their work where I would have done it differently, but HEY. One million times better than it was, and I don't own the house, and we managed to buy everything AND have help for what we would have paid in two months rent in Boston, so I guess it is all good.

Next week I'll then turn back to major wedding planning. I've made up this six week checklist and I still have to say I don't feel too worried. Hrm. Wherefore is the stress I keep hearing about? Maybe I'll have it next week when I'm thinking about it more again.

Hey, you guys who read this who got an invite: if you haven't RSVP'd already, go to our website and do it. I'm hoping to have a final count by the first weekend in May. Woo hoo!

Spilt.

- What do you hate most?

- A lie. What do you hate most?

- Ownership. Being owned.

I am not certain if this will work, but there is supposedly an email address to which I can send writing and it then appears on my blog like MAGIC. If I come home and this is up, or I start receiving comments in my inbox, I'll be a happy girl indeed. I wonder how well it retains formatting. Well, we should see.

Happy being relative at the moment. I should address the post I put up last night, then took down this morning. Put up in a fit of anger, frustration, sadness, and yes, a few drinks. Took down this morning when I thought better of the idea of airing every fucking feeling I have on the interwebs, especially when it comes to David and I having an issue, of which we've had almost none, so it is really not fair to make it seem like the ends of the world.

But of course I know that post lives on for those who have RSS readers. So to them I say this: I'm calmer today, certainly, and sober, but some of the points remain. I DO think "wife" or "girlfriend" starts becoming a Role, and a role I'm not always sure I want to play. And David... well, he was wrong about something. And it was quite hurtful. So I felt a little resentful about making myself so vulnerable, for adopting an awkward (for me) role for the person I'm supposed to trust the most - and then to find him caught out in a lie. Which I hate more than anything in the world.

All this said, while I'm still hurt today, I am not worried about us, and you shouldn't be either. We've had so few problems, which is probably why this one seems so dramatic to me. But in the end, it will be fine. We're more than fine together. I'm just learning to take the bad with the good, which is hard, because he's almost always just so so perfect.

It's going to be a slow week here at Ashbloemstraat.

The worst is not having Typepad. Honestly, I've barely missed Flickr or Jezebel or Facebook at work, but not being able to blog really hurts, for some reason. I think since the work is so boring, I like taking breaks to do some thinking out loud through writing. Of course, I can and SHOULD start writing more that is not immediately for public consumption. The poetry could start again, for example. And, of course, there is always catching up on my personal emails, which I have woefully neglected the past several weeks.

I have been crazy busy the past couple of days; now that the weekend is all I have I took full advantage of it by doing tons of wedding bits and pieces (programs and such, yay!), as well as getting the kitchen ready for reinstallation, AND working in the yard. Oh yeah, and I worked at Doublewide Saturday night. The house is an absolute fucking shambles with all the boxes from Ikea about, and all the dishes and such pulled from the old cabinets, but there is nothing to be done about it. It always gets worse before it gets better. Tomorrow I'll start putting together the new cabinets and HOPE that everything is there, because while I love Ikea, driving out to Frisco makes me decidedly irritable. Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need!

The cats, by the way, think the house is now the equivalent of Kitty Disney World. They are having the time of their lives with all the boxes and cardboard around.

I have been very up and down the past few days. High on Saturday, less happy Sunday morning, giggly by Sunday night, degraded into shit mood today with the lovely addition of being super cross with David (he deserved it, by the way, I was not just randomly cross with him). Stupid hormones. Stupid having way too much to do. Now I feel a little sad we won't be taking a proper honeymoon right away. Oh well, we have Chicago a couple weeks after the wedding and we'll have something to look forward to in the spring.

Really I'm too tired to write anything right now, I've just missed the writing, so I thought I'd log on for a wee blip. I am in my bathrobe, face and teeth clean, a small purring kitten in my lap ready for sleep. I'll write in my spare hours at work and post in the evening, as much as I can get time to do so this week with the kitchen going in and pulling the house back together. It might take all my extra time.

All day long I have either listened to or sang "Strahan Has Corralled the Freaks". This last part, Don't you know that time is on your side?

Good night, sweet ladies and gents, good night. Good night.