Ashbloemstraat

Een.

I'll admit, it isn't REALLY one day, but I'm home after midnight and for my purposes IT IS.

Wow, I am having SO MUCH FUN. I kept saying tonight that I wish there is a magical elixir that could keep me awake the next 72 hours, and also keep me sober no matter how much I drank.  WHY CANT I CREATE IT I WOULD BE RICH

Yay. Tomorrow. I'll tell stories later. So far? Best weekend ever.

Kettő.

Two not-so-nice things to do to a bride one of the only mornings she technically had to relax and sleep in a bit before the wedding:

1. If you are her mother: Book her for a fucking 9am mani-pedi.

2. If you are her fiancee: Keep your friends over until 2am the night before. You know she enjoys you and her friends and since they are never in town would not dream of kicking them out, but you could remember she has a lot going on, and a fucking 9am mani-pedi, and take the initiative to direct them all to a bar or something so she could go to sleep.

Kolme.

Let us discuss Indiana Jones.

As with many people of a certain age, I have a deep fondness for Indy. By fondness I sometimes mean appreciation for the series, but I also sometimes mean a crush. Yes, I fully realize that by admitting to a crush on a 27 year-old fictional character I am laying out my dorkitude for the world to see, but so be it. Anyway, if Indy and Han Solo came to my door I'm not really sure who I would choose so we can't say I have eyes only for Dr. Jones!

What with the hoopla these days over the fourth movie coming out, Indiana was on our minds and we purchased the DVD to Raiders of the Lost Ark. Previously we had both owned this on VHS, which illustrates that had been some time since I had watched it. I am quite certain I have seen it within the past ten years or so, but in the past five would be a stretch. Of course, previous to going away to college I watched it so many times I still know quite a lot of the dialog by heart, and I insisted upon playing Raider's March at our high school graduation as the recessional (NERD HIGH SCHOOL means it didn't take much insisting, by the way).

So when did it become INDIANA JONES AND THE Raiders of the Lost Ark? That name change totally passed me by. I don't really care, but it seems sort of dumb to me. Do we really need to have his name in the title? I suppose they added it once all the other movies were title "Indiana Jones AND THE...", which does give it regularity, but I say this addition is unnecessary. I mean, EVERYONE KNOWS RAIDERS, right? Were people regularly going to buy the Indiana Jones trilogy only to say "Hey, there are only two here, "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom", and "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" - they must be out of the third one because I don't see any others that start with "Indiana Jones"."? Then again, kids are pretty dumb these days, so maybe so.

I watched this again while I did a bunch of wedding stuff a couple days ago. What I learned is that I have grown up or something equally depressing, and apparently have a harder time suspending disbelief than I used to. This made me a little sad. But seriously? Indiana swam in his leather jacket and hat from the pirate ship to the U-boat in the rough waters of what I assume to be the Meditteranean?

Should I learn Hovitos before we go to Peru? I would like to avoid any danger of poison arrows.

On the upside, I still find it fun, full of humor and mystery, and the characters are all amazing. It is pretty violent. I like Marion more than I used to. I would really like to go to Cairo.

For another great thing about it: we were saying that we don't really think such subtle plotlines would happen if the same movie was made today. ESPECIALLY if it was made today by the George Lucas and Steven Spieberg of today. I'm pretty sure they would have added a scene wherein Indiana had to explain to someone exactly what he did to Marion. And there would have been a scene between Belloq and Toht where Belloq exclaims "Holy shit! Why don't we use your SCARRED HAND to make a medallion!" And so on. As I say, kids are dumb these days. Also, Lucas and Spielberg.

In summary, Raiders is still awesome and I am not really enthusiastic about Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. My nostalgia for the series of my childhood is being targeted by Lucas, Spielberg, and the movie's marketing team, and that pisses me off. I hate feeling like an obvious market segment, and I despise Lucas and Spielberg these days anyway, so certainly if the movie had nothing to do with Indiana Jones I would probably not see it at all.

I'll probably see this one eventually. But frankly, I'm not in any hurry.

Téssera.

Tonight, as usual, I am up too late. The good thing is that though I have had a couple drinks, it has little to do with alcohol, so I can get up and go to work and be a normal, if exhausted, human being. When I was given the offer I came clean about the wedding coming up - since I had been temporary and the project was to end the 23rd, I hadn't bothered before - and everyone seems to be a little amazed by my willingness to work this week. Of course, I wish they had just said "Hey, take that week off and we'll have you start the next". But mostly I mean they are really understanding that I am tired and take a greater number of personal calls than I should and they are impressed I am still productive. Which I am. I rarely toot my own horn, but when it comes to manipulating data, I seem to have a talent, and therefore have a lot of thinking time to myself during the day.

One of the tasks I need to finish is the love letter to David. You know, the one we are planning on locking away? That if we need before, we shall open, but with all luck we will only open ten years from Saturday? Yes. The love letter. I have phrases and wishes and things I want to say in my mind, but I haven't put them on paper yet.

It's very hard to write something to your significant other that they will not read for many years. I mean, how does one say it all in a way that will still sound true and profound after ten years of changing and growing? Not naive or cliche or just plain goofy, since we are all wrapped up in the romance of the moment? Or maybe that's what we will need to read.

Oddly, it has made me reflect on the exes, which I didn't expect.

It has been ten years since the Girlfriend and I broke up. If she opened up a letter from me now, that I wrote then, what would she think?

Undoubtedly, she would think it silly. I think I would have talked about how she changed my life. How I would forever think about her laugh and how delightful it is. How I wished she could be herself with her parents; how she could talk about us; how she could be a different, more complete person, if she just would let herself live her own life. How when she rejected me in front of people it hurt my feelings terribly.

But the funny thing is: it is all true. She did change my life. I do remember her laugh - in a good way. And how now that she's been honest with at least one parent (to my knowledge), she's seemed more confident. How when I see her, even now, many years later, it's hard not to feel the rejection she subjected me to in front of others.

Mind you, I don't know her anymore. I've seen her very rarely. And I don't think of her often. But I do sometimes. And today, when I thought about if she opened a letter from me ten years ago... I simply wondered if she would think as well of me these days as I do of her.

And there is good ol' Mr. NC. Pal. My Pal. That's his name. We had such a wicked last year; a hurtful break-up. What kind of things would we see from each other in ten years? What would I have said?

Lord, thankfully it doesn't matter. In the past eight years since we met, what I think we have learned is that we are very well suited to be friends with each other. We understand each others highs and lows, humor, and intellect. We like what each other is interested in at any given time - it is almost a certain guarantee the other will love it too. We are both deeply in love with languages: he is an amazing pupil, able to learn anything, and I watched him master the basics of many. Not to mention the five languages he spoke fluently. And I was always an enthusiastic student, trying my best - and he ALWAYS patient and willing to teach, no matter how I messed up, or even if I flowed between several languages in the same conversation. And rarely did he laugh. What else? We both loved being on the edge of crazy in the same way - we wanted the energy of the party lifestyle, but never at the cost of being without the security of a regular paycheck.

In the end, I realize how Pal and I were - and should have stayed - the closest of friends. Any letter from that time now would be me talking about what an amazing, smart, talented, and funny person he was. And is. And we just got caught up in liking the friend we found in each other way too much. And now I guess we are where we should have been all along. I'm impressed with us, and I'm happy he will be at the wedding.

Bah. It's way too late, and I'm not sure I make any sense anymore. I've written this when I should have written my letter to David. But I sort of think that's ok. I needed to write it all out a bit. It lets it all go.

۵

Along side the many other duality based qualifiers one can use for people (e.g. Republican vs. Democrat; Neil Diamond fan vs. not; neat vs messy), there is another: those who enjoy rosewater in their food and those who don't.

Personally, I can't get enough of this saffron rosewater ice cream David brought home from Central Market (and I could eat kilos of a rosewater rice dish my friend Mana once made me), but some people find it akin to eating perfume.

Ocht. Sju. Kuusi.

I wish I could tell you fun stories from the past few days, but it has just been prep and whatnot. Taking things to his grandma's house; trying to clean ours little by little. Friday I DID call in sick and slept until 2pm or something - which is a remarkable time for me to sleep and NOT be out the night before. I desperately needed it; I have felt like a new person since. Still feel bad for calling in sick right as they gave me a job offer, but it is what it is, and I obviously needed a good 14 hours sleep.

Generally, though, things are still going fine and while I am sure the 48 hours before the wedding will have their own special brand of craziness we really have everything under control. I did, however, have my first two wedding anxiety dreams last night  (I had one, woke up, went back to sleep, then had another). So I guess there is some underlying anxiety after all. The first one was about money & payment, and the second about the ceremony going as planned - and those seem pretty reasonable things to be nervous about, so I don't feel too bad.

And we managed to go out last night - first to my friends COB & Doug's party, then to the Double Wide, where we had to drop off some decorations anyway. COB & Doug E. Fresh were having an 80s theme party, and while we didn't have time to get all decked out, I did try a "perm" with teal eyeshadow. It worked, I thought.

So anyway. Clearly not too stressed or I wouldn't be prancing about to parties the week before the wedding, wot?

I do have to clean the kitchen & office though. Rest of the house in pretty good order. Also I have to try on my dress and hope I didn't gain so much as ONE POUND since February, since it fit just perfect then. That's possibly the biggest worry.

Tonight is David's bachelor party. I hope he is having fun. He was nervous about it, because he knew they were planning to go to a strip club, and he'll probably be bought a lap dance, and I'm not so so keen on the Texas limitations or lack thereof in lap dancing. I don't want to be THAT GIRLFRIEND, and as though it really matters, since I'm marrying the boy, but still. It's a little - er, close here. I also feel mildly irritated with some of his friends here, as I have been trying to set the groomsfolk who live here up with ideas and phone numbers and all sorts of scenarios I knew he would enjoy for a stag night do which don't necessarily involve him coming home smelling like a stripper's nether regions. But they are all so damn disorganized that they never got anything together, and in the end someone out of left field organized this night on her own. I should have known to rely on her, so I'm mostly annoyed with myself, but you'd think the actual groompersons would get their act together for their good friend's one and only ever bachelor party.

Oh well. I should do this shit for a living. Truth is some people just aren't very good at it. Which also probably explains why I'm not too stressed. I've boiled all this business down to the important parts, got rid of the extraneous, and remained super organized. Easy.

Neuf.

I need to go home, I think. I do not feel super well. Not getting enough sleep. So tired.

But it seems sort of bad to need to leave the day after getting a job offer, doesn't it?

The truth is that the stress I am feeling right now has to do with the house. Who knows, maybe I am projecting some sort of buried anxiety about the wedding on to the house, but I don't think so. We're so organized and excited about next Saturday; THAT part seems awesome. I'm only sad it is so close and this is all about to be over!

But the kitchen. Ooof. Why did I do it to myself? Why was I so so unrealistic about it?

Of course, I started it just right before I got this job, so I DID think I was going to have a lot more full days to do it.

Blah blah blah. I only talk about two things these days. I bore me.

Tien.

Whoa. Typepad became all fancy.

Technically this is probably not tien, really, since it is after midnight. But it is to me.

I'm tired. But for whatever reason, I won't let myself accept that.
 
Every now and then, David goes through a hard time thinking about his very good friend who was killed. I hate seeing him sad, but I think it makes sense that in times of great change he thinks about her more. As though he misses them going through it together. I was heartbroken about Leila, but we certainly were nowhere good as friends as David and W. I just can't fathom what bittersweetness must come with every milestone they miss together.

I was offered a job today. Finally. I will continue to search, but in the meantime it is good to feel some stability, doing something I am good at, with decent money. But I will be searching in that no-stress sort of way; that when the REALLY PERFECT match arises I can leap forward.  Now, however, I can do something good and useful and still listen to NPR most of the day.

Tomorrow: final coat of paint in the kitchen. No putting it off anymore.

Undici (workplace edition).

On stress:

So while it is true that I am not stressed about the things *I* need to do as long as I can be left alone to do them, here is the thing about being the bride - NO ONE LEAVES YOU ALONE. I did not really take that into consideration when planning these last days so any future brides reading this, please take note.

Perfect example would be last night: I had my evening pretty well planned out, between wedding stuffs and painting the kitchen. However, my mother needed help printing out invitations to the bridesmaid luncheon. Would have been fine and good to squeeze in (and of course I'm not going to deny her, since she is doing something nice for me and the girls), except that when I got there she had not even thought about the wording! So I sat there for like, 45 minutes while she just tried to figure out what it should say! I really am grateful but SURELY she couldn't have thought I just had an extra 45 minutes to spare. It was maddening.

But that's the thing - everyone is doing nice stuff, so I cannot complain and I do not want to deny, but you know - have it organized before it gets to me, at least.

So maybe the stress is starting a bit as of today. Just twinges. But oh yes. I think it is.

**********

On registries:

All our awesome friends have really responded to the honeymoon registry, which is perfect and wonderfully generous - so if anyone is thinking about this as an option I can't recommend it enough.

Of course we are really happy about the few "things" we have registered for as well - and admittedly it is part of the reason I wanted the kitchen done for the wedding. So we could use our new Married Things in our new Married Kitchen for our visiting friends. Instead of just looking at them sitting on the dining room table, like we are now. Ah well. Soon soon.

Speaking of registry "things", future brides take note of this as well: people LOVE shopping at Macy's and Crate & Barrel. Amazon.com? Not so much. I was quite surprised. I really thought more people would have been responsive to Amazon, but it would seem not. NOT that we need anything on there. It's all extras. It can operate as our personal "wish list" from now on, anyway. But anyway. Put that in your mental file cabinet.

Also take note that after the initial excitement, the groom lost ALL INTEREST in the registries (well, not the honeymoon one though). Whereas for the bride it was completely opposite - I didn't even want them and now I look them over and make sure everything is JUST PERFECT and NOT EXTRANEOUS and YET VERY NICE and something OUR CHILDREN WILL LIKE (... I guess I started thinking about how since we are registering for so little I want to be sure anything that comes into the house will be well-used and loved and sturdy. We are NOT fine china and crystal people. Not at our own house, anyway - we'll happily come eat off yours, though!).

But perhaps that describes perfectly how he and I both approach things generally, now that I read that. You could also say we're both well-used, loved, and sturdy. HAHAHAHA.

**********

So. There it is.

Verily I say, all the advice I have to give today hath been given.

Now I shall work. And be calm.

Calm. Calm. Calm.

Undici (Mates of State entry).

Forget your politics for a while! Let the color schemes arrive!