Ashbloemstraat

On Santa and parenting.

Hm. I'm sort of thinking my post yesterday didn't come across as light-hearted as I meant it. I particularly thought you were being a little harsh, Brandon, but maybe I also did not read your comment as light-hearted as YOU meant it. Look, I was kind of poking fun at me & Davey, saying LOOK HOW WE THINK WE'RE GOING TO BE SO AWESOME but I certainly know by watching other friends and reading plenty of mommy blogs that priorities shift and change, and we will do things we never thought we would do before we actually have a kid. I mean, IF we can have a kid. Serious parenting philosophy discussions are sort of jumping the gun at this stage, which is why I didn't really mean that post too seriously.

When I was growing up, Santa visited and I went to McDonald's once in a blue moon for other kids' birthday parties, and we went to church. I don't think any of that scarred me for life, and I don't think my mom (or any parent who does the same) was a bad person for it. I don't consider her a liar because she told me about Santa and god. I just personally don't think I can do it. Let them believe in dragons and unicorns and even Santa if they want to - and frankly, they probably will, because just as you say, we won't be the only influence on them - but I don't really feel comfortable perpetuating the Santa thing (I can live with dragons and unicorns, because that's a different kind of myth). And that has a lot to do with the crazy consumerism of Christmas now - one reason I don't think my mom was bad for doing the Santa thing is that it wasn't out of control back then. But marketing & media has changed the magic of that forever, to me, so I don't really want to be a part of it. I also can't really reconcile how I can tell someone that god is not real but Santa is. And I DO remember feeling really disappointed when I finally learned Santa wasn't real.

Why would I even celebrate Christmas at all? I've never made a secret of the fact it is not my favorite holiday, so maybe if I lived in a vacuum I wouldn't. But my family loves it, and Davey's huge family loves it, and there are a lot of them that come in from out of town, so to reject Christmas at this stage is more about rejecting family than god. And I'm not going to do that, as tiresome as I do find it quite a lot of the time. It's also really nice a lot of the time. Our families aren't religious, so it is pretty easy to frame something like that in terms of "This is a time of year when everyone is able to get together at the same time" so it is a Family Holiday as opposed to a Religious Holiday.

I guess I particularly felt this was a little harsh: "i don't consider myself a liar for not telling them when they were born that santa isn't real any more than i don't consider myself a liar for not telling them that while they are opening $400 worth of presents that 20% of African children will die before the age of 5". I don't even really know how to respond to that. Not that I have to, but it hurt my feelings a little, because it makes me feel that you feel I'm being self-righteous about this stuff. I guess first of all, by saying I don't want to perpetuate any myths of imaginary bearded dudes (whether in clouds or red suits) doesn't mean I want any child I may have to have a miserable childhood only confronted with what can be confirmed by facts and statistics. I'd like them to have a pretend life; I'd like them to experience magic. Maybe just in a natural world/pagan/hippy mother earth kind of way, instead of a mass marketed kind of way. Secondly, I'm thinking we can't afford kids now, because I can barely afford presents for my mom & sister.

I don't want it to seem like I think I know how to parent or AT ALL are judging other people's decisions. Hell, I went to the high school today to get the registration papers for the exchange students and I actually felt like I might have an anxiety attack, thinking about the responsibility. We're just having fun talking about what we think we would do. It also keeps me positive, when frankly I have some concerns about getting pregnant at all.

We leave this afternoon for San Francisco. I'm really looking forward to it. With the students coming next week I think we'll be very busy for the next month and a half, so it will be really great to have a few days away beforehand. Maybe I'll finally get to relax and read something other than the news, even. I miss books.

Child-rearing.

This morning when I was driving to work, I listened to a story wherein a woman who runs consumer focus groups was talking about teens going back to school on a budget, and she said the following: "It's going to be cool to go back to school with the new iPhone or the new Blackberry. So many teens have Blackberries now and are pretty much are running their social life like Fortune 500 companies."

And my reaction to this is WHY DO TEENS HAVE BLACKBERRIES? This seems excessive. My kid will be lucky if he gets a mobile phone once he hits driving age. Until then, you know what his cool new gadget will be? A BOOK. And maybe a wall map.

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David and I have been talking about what kind of parents we are going to be, and how we want to raise our children, and all that stuff one starts discussing when you are contemplating bringing one into your space. We aren't having meetings and outlining things; we're just feeling our way through it as we discuss and ponder what it means to be the biggest influence on a person - at least until they are ten or eleven. And I am starting to think that our kid(s) may actually hate us for a while. And we already KNOW other kids' parents will hate us.

I mean, it is just that we are soooo neo-bohemian urban hippy in our lifestyle. We are not consumers (though from my weekend at the FIG sale & Cattle Barn you'd never know that - but that's another post). We only have whole foods in our house. We almost never watch TV. We avoid plastics with BPA. We do not buy fast food - well, except for burritos. I barely bathe. We don't want our kid to believe in Santa Claus.

Actually, listing all those things just makes it looks like we're really anal and uptight and curmudgeonly. I'm quite sure anyone who knows us knows that to be untrue, but it does look sort of funny. When did I become an adult?

People's reaction to the Santa thing is so intriguing to me. When it comes up that I do not want my child to believe in a fictional fat dude who breaks into the house to leave gifts, people act like I have taken Christmas away from them personally. My mother acted as though her entire parenting career had been affronted.

I love the reaction "But don't you want them to have the surprise?". Hell yes, I do! You bet I'll put pressies out on Christmas Eve or whatever so they awake to new toys. But I want credit where credit is due. They need to come up and give ME a big old slobbery kiss for getting them presents with my hard-earned cash. Shit ain't cheap!

You know what surprise I don't want to give them? The disappointment from learning their parents lied to them for six years or whatever. That's the surprise they AREN'T getting.

That said, I totally don't judge people who do the Santa thing. I just don't want to.

Anyway, we just learned as well that David's cousin is going to be a father. David pointed out that if we do have a baby next year, we will probably have to keep the kids apart for a few years since ours might spoil Christmas for the other. So, as I say, OTHER PARENTS WILL HATE US.

That reminds me too of the doctor visit I had a couple weeks ago. We were going over life-style stuff, and discussing having children. I said "Well, we don't eat mainstream fast food like McDonald's or whatever". And she said "That will change once you have kids!" And what I was left wondering was - why? Why would that change? We don't go there now, and to my knowledge toddlers don't tend to hijack the car and drive it to McDonald's. I just could not understand her point at all. Can someone explain it to me? Won't I be in charge? Won't I be THE DECIDER?

Now watch - as soon as I have a kid I'll be singing Santa songs all the live-long day and taking them to McDonalds for lunch. I hear life changes once one of those creatures is around.

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You are probably wondering about the water. Well, the good news is that the water is back on! We can do laundry and use the toilet without manually refilling it and we can wash our hands and teeth even! YAY!

The bad news is there is something wrong with the shower, so that's kaput. It's not such a big deal for me since I shower about twice a week, but David is displeased.

Can't have everything, I guess.

¡Las fashionistas!

Last night was really nice; an exercise in doing the social thing right. That is to say, a bit more subdued than I've had them recently, but easily as satisfying, if not more so. Jennifer and I went to that Fashion Industry Gallery preview party - it was pretty hilarious. Just so you know, the website had this to say about this event:

"For $100, V.I.P.'s receive an exclusive invitation to the preview party at the exquisite new Joule Hotel the night before, August 21 at 7:00pm. Mix and mingle with the Dallas fashion crowd, and enjoy cocktails, hors d'oeuvres, a VIP goody bag stuffed with swag and a first look at some of the great fashions to purchase at Finale. "

Well, let me tell you that F.I.G. needs to get themselves a new marketing/pr department, because they used some language that set the expectations pretty high for what we were going to see. That first look? Hm, well.... there were six mannequins with some clothes on them stuck off to the sides of the lounge, but I guess that qualifies as a first look. And that goody bag STUFFED with swag? There was a magazine and some coupons. Man, I was laughing so hard. Jennifer, having worked in the PR department at Estee Lauder in New York City was mortified they even considered that a goody bag. HAHAHAHA! We were saying that if we'd been one of the people who paid $100 for that, we'd be PISSED! But you know - we got in for free and really had a great chat over champagne and tuna tartare - I have to say, any evening that involves good company, free champagne, and tuna tartare is a win in my book! So, yay for that. Also we got to see the new-ish super nice Hotel Joule. Dallas is stepping up its game in cool accomodation - well played, Downtown.

David picked me up and we went to Abacus. I found the atmosphere a little pretentious but the food was wonderful. Om nom nom nom. I had a sea scallop with lemon risotto & white asparagus to start, and then pan seared cod with parsnip puree. Davey had a crab cake then braised short ribs with a parmesan gratin. Mmm! My starter won the first course, but his parmesan gratin was my favorite. I'm going to make that. And then they had a platter of different dessert bits. Meh. We both were totally lukewarm on those. Honestly, if I've learned one thing from this restaurant week experience, it is that we should just go out more and eat off the regular menu. We'd never order dessert, so we could have a really decent first & second course for $35 each. But, now we know.

And then we went back and did it. Yee haw! Married sex is awesome. Well, really, sex with Davey is awesome. I'm glad we're married as well. But I'd totally keep doing him if we weren't.

I'm taking it easy this weekend - finishing my clothing & shoe purge so I can get on the ball and have a garage sale, maybe the weekend of Sept 6. Jennifer, I meant to ask you about that. I'm thinking clothes will sell well in my neighborhood, but tchotkes and glassware type stuff in yours; what do you think?

Still no water. I guess I'll be ping-ponging back and forth to my sister's to pee while I work on my stuffs. Or I'll finally just give up and start peeing in the backyard like David. Lucky bastard.

Chicken. Also, fancy night!

Last night I ate chicken for the first time since around the beginning of the year. Maybe before that, actually. Anyway, I always had a niggling skepticism when veggie friends would be like, oh I can't eat that meat because it's been so long I'll get sick. I mean, not that I totally DISBELIEVED, but I sort of thought the body is meant to digest stuff, and while it might make them feel sort of gross, SURELY they don't ACTUALLY MEAN they will get sick.

Well, I guess they do. I ate chicken over at Meredith's because they offered, and without water at home I can't really cook as I can't wash up. And I wanted to hang out and I was hungry. And tired, so I didn't want to go out and get something else. Anyway, it was fine WHILE I ate it - I mean, I would have rather had something else but it was too easy. But then I woke up at about 4am and my stomach hurt soooo bad, and I started sweating, and I had to go outside in my bathrobe - remember, no water, so the toilet was out of the question - and vomit into the flowerbed. Nice.

I feel totally better now though. And I'm really excited for my night. First, I'm going to a special VIP Fashion Industry Gallery party at the chic-chic Hotel Joule with Jennifer, and we're going to have cocktails and hors d'oeurves and get a girly goody-bag and pretend we're part of the Dallas fashionista crowd! Woo hoo! After that, David and I have Date Deux at fancy-shmancy Dallas restaurant Abacus. And then we're going to make out and do it all night. Awwww yeah.

Apropos nothing: I'm really into most of the songs on this NPR sneak preview (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=93699214), but for some reason I can't get that Jeff Hanson song in particular out of my head. I think it's the first stanza. I feel like that's what I have been saying for years now, but not quite as succinctly:

I wonder what I can do for a living something that makes you all proud but won't keep me up at night

Now I want to know the rest of the lyrics.

I had a hole where my heart should have been last time I was in San Francisco, so I couldn't have left it if I tried.

God, I have barely thought about San Francisco and we're leaving in a week. The last time I was in San Francisco for "fun" was 2004. I was so raw from heartbreak - I had just moved out of the apartment I had shared with the ex, and while I knew breaking up was the right thing to do, it did not make the sadness any less since we had been together for so long. In addition, our friend Lotta had just suffered a shocking stroke out of absolutely nowhere during the early stages of her first pregnancy, and we were all (the Amsterdam crew) on alert to hear of any new changes in her condition. When I landed in San Francisco that day in December, Danielle called to tell me she had died that morning. So while I was there to enjoy Arcadia's wedding, my heart was smudged so black there was little hope of my enjoying myself to much degree. And sadly, I didn't. I remember very little about it, to be honest. My head wasn't on straight.

But now it is, and I am excited for our trip; I'm anxious to replace that memory with a better one. Of course, I guess I went a couple times last year on tour, but I barely count that since I was busy with a busload of students. It's time to be back as myself, happy, content and fun, and on the arm of my happy, content, and fun husband, seeing all our nice friends and celebrating Danielle & Daniel's wedding. I think we'll enjoy ourselves.

I spent the night last night prepping Meredith's house for our students' arrival, but then got word that they won't arrive until the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th. That's a relief, really - it gives us a little more time to cozy the rooms up for them; Davey & I will be back from the west coast; and Meredith's first couple of hectic weeks at school will be over. I can't believe I'm so excited for a couple of teenagers to be around. I guess it's just a good excuse to do goofy stuff around the metroplex that we wouldn't otherwise tend to make time for. I mean, I like the Fort Worth Stockyards, but do we ever go? How about the Mesquite Rodeo? BETCHA WE WILL NOW!

After staying at Meredith's as long as possible before having to go back to the No Water House, we finally sucked it up and went home, where I finished Phase I of Shoe Purge 2008: I decreased my shoe (regular shoe, that is, NOT the BOOTS) collection by about 1/3, leaving me with a very manageable 30 pair (which includes work shoes, casual clompers, a couple sandals, and my snow shoes). Phase II will be the boots. I might pull you in on some Flickr votes, as suggested; that's not a bad idea. There are three pair that are sort of on their last legs, but I think I'll wear them until they're dead THIS winter and get rid of them in the spring. I doubt I'll be able to get the count under 15, but we shall see. WE SHALL SEE.

Once I pared the shoes down I polished and conditioned most of them before putting them away. It was only once I was finished and had hands completely darkened by shoe polish did I realize what a silly endeavor that was to embark upon when I have no water to wash up with.

I've insulted the universe somewhere along the way.

Today is really slow at work. I knew it would be this way, because I zoomed through a couple of things yesterday. Should have worked a slower pace yesterday, I guess. But the nice thing about having a market research slant to my position is that I can at least spend some of my down time researching and reading industry stuffs when I don't have much else going on. Or, you know, email in a blog post or shop online or whatever.

Davey & I watched The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters the past couple of nights, and MAN, I looooved that documentary. It was like one big Mr. Show sketch. The characters were so off-the-chart crazy and weird and unbelieveable they barely seem like real people. They were caricatures. Only THEY WEREN'T.

Tonight I'm picking up a bed for one of the Euro girls and I will clean up a bit to get ready for their arrival. I haven't been told for sure what day they are arriving, but I assume it will be sometime this weekend or Monday-Tuesday, since school starts next week. Next Thursday & Friday are going to be tough, because David and I will be out of town, and Meredith has to be at work so early, so no one can really take them to school. Oh well. They may just have to take it off and chill out at the pool. I guess I need to ask my mom if she could take them, actually. The school may not look too kindly upon them missing two days.

Oh yeah, so, we haven't had water at the house the past two nights. That's been just TONS of fun. My mom's husband started the work on Sunday, but of course couldn't do any work on it yesterday because of the rain. Wouldn't you know that we'd suddenly need our pipes re-fit, and that's the ONE WEEK of the summer when we've gotten rain of any significance and so therefore he couldn't finish it?

Honestly, I'm so past the house now I don't even care. We have water to drink and a bucket to flush the toilet with, and Meredith's shower is a mile away. It's all par for the course, really. We've practically been camping for over a year and a half now with all the bullshit of that house.

I cannot WAIT TO RENT AGAIN. Dear god, get me out of a place where the maintainence is my responsibility. I really have had it to my eyeballs. As my sister said last night when the washer went out on HER faucet, "Between your house and my house, I feel like it has been a year and a half of house issues." That's because IT HAS BEEN. And it BLOWS.

But I'm sure all you who read this who are either looking for a house or who have gotten a house or who have romanticized this idea won't have ANY problems.

My sister and I have just gotten the shit end of the deal, I guess. Karma hates us.

Excess.

I shit you not, I have 19 pairs of boots. And while there ARE three pairs of black knee-high boots, for the most part they are all completely different!

I clearly have a Thing. I don't know how this happened. I'm finding it hard to purge.

Raging terrible.

I have been hating myself for the past couple of days.

I got ridiculously drunk Saturday night. I do not know how it happened so quickly and dramatically - even David remarked the next day that it seemed to happen very fast, and one might say furiously. Could have something to do with only really eating a half a burger that day, but whatever. There are whole spans of time that I have absolutely no recollection of that night, except for one part where I decided to tell the owner of the bar's boyfriend how I don't care for him. I am positive I was the worst kind of obnoxious drunk generally, and there is a lot for me to be embarassed about. Which is saying a lot, since I am not easily embarassable. I woke up wracked with anxiety and sadness, and literally had to cry on David's shoulder before I felt any better about being a dick the night before.

I am actually starting to think I should not go to Double Wide anymore. At least, not as often. I love it, but there is something about the people that hang out there that bring out the worst in me when I am drinking. A sort of aggressive streak that I definitely have - I can't deny and as anyone who has heard me talk with vitriol about the U.S healthcare system can attest - but is amplified there. I can only think of a handful of drunken aggressive episodes in my whole life prior to moving here. Now they seem to happen every month. And I really, deeply dislike that. I think otherwise I'm a pretty happy, even-keeled person. I don't like to think I am mean. And usually I avoid sticking my nose in other people's business, even if I think they are making terrible choices. I can get riled up about politics and such, but I think that's generally constructive and intelligent fire. Whatever happened on Saturday was just idiotic and vicious and I'm very very sorry about it.

And, of course, I should stop using the weekend as an excuse to get shit-faced. I have really cut down on quite a lot of my drinking since I first started this blog, but the times when I do drink a LOT seem to only get more and more spectacular. And by spectacular, I mean awful.

It is probably also a function of me being a little bored these days as well. I should do something a bit more constructive about that.

Sigh.

In other news, my sister and I decided to take a couple of those exchange students for 4-6 weeks. She has the room, and David & I have the time, so we've decided to play parents to two nice European girls. This week I guess I will start helping Meredith get the house ready, and then I'll get to see what it is like to be the parent of two teenage girls. Maybe I'll win back some karma points for my bad behavior on Saturday.

So what do you think we should plan for the girls? I'm thinking teenagers like shopping and movies and that's easy enough, but what are some other good Dallas activities for sixteen year olds? Taking the dogs to White Rock Lake seems like it might be a good choice - they both like animals. Maybe a couple museums too.

I am actually pretty excited about it. I'm sure it will be a little tough, and a bit of a challenge, but it is only for six weeks or so and I think it will be good for me.

Food, Oak Cliff, decisions.

OK, well so much for another drunk shoe report. Maybe that will be a once a week special here, as I do my shoe audit and have less tipsy days. Or, maybe that was just an idea that sounded awesome after a few glasses of wine and in retrospect is sort of silly. That said, "Memories as Recounted by Various Clothing Items & Accessories" has a certain McSweeney's feel to it. I'm sure some of my bras could tell good stories.

Last night we had our first Dallas Restaurant Week booking at an Oak Cliff restaurant called Hattie's. David had been there before but since I don't know much about Dallas anymore I had never heard of it. It was exactly the sort of restaurant I like - open, clean, and modern, but with warm lighting, traditional finishing, and a cozy atmosphere. It reminded me very much of one of my favorite restaurants called Maihofli, in Luzern. The food was good and we were feeling adoring and romantic. It was a perfect date. We hadn't been on one in a while. But we have three more restaurant week bookings coming up, so I guess we're about to get our fill.

Then we made our way to a new place called Bolsa, as a friend of David's is the manager, part-owner, or something. He was very excited about it and had good reason - it was another fresh, new, really nice place. Oak Cliff is starting to remind me of the first exciting years of Boston's South End, when great restaurants were opening, but not everyone knew about them yet, except for those gay, edgy, &/or city mod living types of us who moved in early. I'm sure it will also suffer the off-putting genrification transitions the South End did too, but that's probably a few years off yet, and in the meantime I guess we'll enjoy it for what it is now, instead of fearing what it could become.

One reason we were soooo happy last night is that we have made a big decision: we are going to move house.

We do not, for various reasons, want to leave Dallas (yet), especially now that I have a job I like (knock on wood). So, since I can not imagine wanting to leave this job for a couple years, we know we will be here for a while... but we cannot fathom being in our house any longer than, say, the end of the year.

I am so over that house.

The final straw was the past few days when our water pressure reduced to nothing. A mere trickle. We called the city; they came out and confirmed that the problem was, indeed, with the house. The pipes from the city spigot to our house are old and have to be replaced, and apparently have a lot of rust and such so we were advised not to drink the water. Which is a little late, since I drink the water all the time.

Anyway, it is something that can be fixed, and relatively easily, but it is the final straw in a situation that has been drawing to a close anyway. We've been unhappy since we moved in - the house was in much worse shape than I had been led to believe; the support we received was not as much as we thought we would have; and all in all, my mother and I were just on different pages about what the outcome was to be. I'm not angry about it anymore - they are all just facts. In my mind, we were to move in, renovate as quickly and efficiently as possible, and then she could get renters in (maybe us, if we decided we liked it). In her mind, we were going to move into my grandparents' old home and I'd never want to leave it because it is my grandparents home. She never SAID this, of course, but I know. The two main problems with her hopes and expectations are as follows:

1. I am not sentimentally attached to the house. Everything that made it their house disappeared when they died. 2. The house is total, utter crap, and it needs a LOT more than she is able/willing to put in it; and it is certainly crappier than I'm willing to live in any longer.

I mean, it's been a good experience. We've learned A LOT. If we ever buy a place, I'm soooooo much more educated about what to look at and ask about. If you need superficial work done like tiling, dry-wall replacement, hardwood refinishing, cabinet installation, etc., we can help! And we will certainly never need to wait around on handymen on things like that in the future.

However, the wiring is old and has to be completely redone. The fuses are always blowing, causing David to panic about his computer and me to worry about fire. There are leaks in the roof that will HAVE to be seen to. The ceilings are ugly as shit. It is dark and a little dank all the time. And there are NO TREES in the backyard!

But we could deal with all that eventually. More than anything else, we really want to be somewhere we can walk or bike to things we like to do. In our neighborhood, there is nothing.

Anyway, with this decision, we both feel an overwhelming sense of relief. I mean, it's a little sad, after all the decisions we made and the work we put in, but whatever. I feel like I helped my mom out and it is totally rentable now, unlike when we moved in. So I do not feel at all it was a waste of time or anything - it's better than how it started, we paid WAY less than we would have renting elsewhere, and we learned a lot.

We aren't rushing into anything - we are going to start looking around at new places - probably in Lakewood, Junius Heights, Lower Greenville, or maybe even Oak Cliff - and aim for a December move. That will give me plenty of time to work with my mother to finish off the last parts of the house that have to be done before people move in, and get things purged and packed.

David is practically a new man since we decided this, obviously relieved and happy about the decision.

Another fun thing? We've been together two and a half years, and are now married, but it will be the first home we pick out TOGETHER. We're pretty excited about that.

MEMORY with shoe.

So.  Going through my shoes is fun, because it is a little bit of an exercise in memory. For example, the shoes I wore today. These shoes are funny; they are a definite half-size too big. I was searching for a pair of brown heels before my EF Amsterdam Christmas party 2000 at the Artis Zoo, and I wasn't sure about anything I had seen previously until maybe the day before? But I went to the Kenneth Cole store on Leidesestraat and I found this pair - clearly a half size too big, but I bought them anyway. And they were GREAT. I danced, and sang, and made out with multiple people and walked away. So while I don't think Kenneth Cole rocks in the overall quality report - I have, honestly, had sooooo many KC pairs fall apart within six months and would certainly not recommend them generally - THIS pair holds a wonderful memory and have oddly remained ok. And I love it that the pair that has the BEST memory is the one that has done way OK. 

WHOA DUDE!!!@ Drunk shoe report. New installment tomorrow!! WOOOO